I think God is dealing with my sinfulness lately by trying to drive me crazy with His love and compassion.

I fell again. I fell harder. I walked into church this morning feeling really bad, thinking how foolish I am, and that I’m digging myself into a deep hole that I shouldn’t even be in in the first place.

At the end of the service, they play CDs, and what do you know, they played My Dear by Bethel.

That song is so incredibly special to me, it’s insane. My friend last year gave me some words that God had told him to tell me, and it just so happens that the day that friend gave me those words was the day I fell hard and committed the same sin I am struggling with now.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence, since we never really go to the church we went to today.

God, seriously?

All week I’ve been expecting Him to turn His face and ignore me, but He’s done the complete opposite.

Maybe He’s trying to show me that I try to earn His love, and that He loves me even when I’m not super perfect.

I see Him just coming at me with such furious and insane love, I can’t even stand it. I don’t even want to do this stupid sin again, seeing His weird response and insane grace.


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