I’ve been the one to shake with fear
And wonder if You’re even here
I’ve been the one held down in chains
Beneath the weight of all my shame
I’ve been the one to believe
That where I am You cannot reach
The veil is torn
And now I live
With the Spirit inside
The same One
The very same One
Who brought the Son back to life
Before we prayed and worshiped at the informational today, I felt defeated. I was defeated kinda. I remember how I felt, sitting on the couch, wishing we could hurry up and just start the meeting. It truly is by the grace of God and by His strength that I’ve been able to do what I’ve done for Him. When satan comes at me with his accusations and when he is attacking me with thoughts, I’ve gotten crushed. And this past week, I’ve been amazed by how God has been ministering to me, very powerfully. But as with most times in my life, when I’ve seen heavy movements of God’s hands, I’ve also had to deal with the evil one.
What is it about me that I am so fearful? Why? I’m not necessarily scared of like, monsters or whatever, but relational fears. People. God. Really deep fears. I believe most of it comes from my childhood and middle school. Funny how as an adult I’m still kinda crippled from stuff that happened years ago.
When I’m struggling, the world might see just someone who looks really super awkward and pathetic and weird, but a more mature and compassionate Christian could probably sense fear that’s written all over my face, I’ve frustrated many people that have tried helping me, truth is I’m not even sure how to help myself. I’m just at His mercy, held by Him.