I don’t know what’s my issue. Today during worship, a girl named Rebecca came over to me and prayed and spoke in my ear and let me know that God loves me and that He wants me to know that I’m like a star to Him. It’s funny, how afterward I felt like I was released from a lot of fear and tension. It’s like she cast some crazy fear out of me.

During small group I cried and confessed that after Rebecca prayed for me and stuff, these lies that I guess I had been hearing for awhile finally stopped tormenting me.

God hates you, and He doesn’t want you.

It’s so irrational for me to believe these things. But for some reason, I have some really deeply rooted fear and abandonment issues. I’m trying to pinpoint events in my childhood, but when I really thought about, I’d say a lot of the women in my family have issues with fear and trust.

From what I’ve seen, I don’t just get attacked with lies, my emotions also seem to get really influenced.

Maybe one of these things is where this fear issue started:
-this time I was on my bike and huge dogs chased me home
-I would lie awake at night really scared that Chucky would get me, or a doll
-I slept with a nightlight until I was like 13 because I was scared of the dark
-that time when I was in 4th grade and I had that dream where I was chased in a maze of thorns
-father issues

Sigh, I got issues.


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