And when he was alone, those around him with the twelve asked him about the parables. And he said to them, “To you has been given the secret of the kingdom of God, but for those outside everything is in parables, so that
“they may indeed see but not perceive,
and may indeed hear but not understand,
lest they should turn and be forgiven.”
I didn’t realize that even as a Christian, for some reason I was still spiritually blind and heavily oppressed in all sorts of ways. I kind of had an idea, but I was so stressed and stuff on the inside that I didn’t really know.
Truth is, God is love. The miracles and stuff didn’t make sense, they made me uncomfortable. I wasn’t able to see God for who He is.
Noah’s ark, and trying to figure out all the animals and how they fit, and Leviticus and all the evil in the world and suffering, they seriously get in the way of the big picture. God is good, and He is kind.
I’ve never been able to see God as clearly as I see Him now. I’m so happy and crying on the inside, I feel like I’m home. And my faith has never been as strong as it has been lately. The journey might have been really difficult, but the destination is worth it.
Funny, I thought that hanging out at a charismatic church would cause me to be really unstable in my walk, really emotional and ups and downs, but I have seen more fruit and joy than I had expected to see. I’m peaceful and happy and restful so often, it’s insane. And for some reason, I don’t ever cuss like I used to. It just stopped. Maybe people and me were just being of so little faith, and things are actually okay. The Lord is with me, it just so happens to be in a place where I’m more comfortable, I can clap and jump around now during worship :) :)
So liberating and exciting and fun. I’m so grateful for this church. I don’t need to defend who the Lord has made me to be, and I don’t want to or need to be angry and stuff that the way I chase after God and interact with Him looks different.