When getting ready this morning, I threw on whatever and got ready pretty quickly, and when I looked in the mirror, I was surprised to see how nice I looked. I looked put together and my necklace and boots looked so pretty. Somehow, my outfit worked perfectly. And I thought, LOL, people might see someone that’s dressed up nicely today, but yesterday I was going through hell. LOL if only people knew. Yesterday was just one of those days where I had to retreat and pray and spend time alone with God, because I couldn’t take on the world yesterday. I was weak and hurting.
It’s funny how broken someone can be and hurting, and it’s pretty amazing how well we can hide sometimes.
Today, I finally saw some article that I shouldn’t be angry at myself for having to retreat and pray as often as I do. Jesus did it. He hid and spent time with the Father alone.
Some days, I feel like I can’t pray enough, I’m not strong enough.
I feel like I’m always praying, I can’t ever pray enough.
Funny how different my walk with Christ looks like now that my faith is much stronger. I actually see God now, I see Him as loving and kind and good. And this all started with that weekend I spent in December alone at home before Winter Conference. I was literally home alone for two nights, in a trailer, in the country, in the middle of nowhere. It was scary, I was praying that our home wouldn’t be broken into.
But for some reason, that weekend was THE weekend that I finally really got my eyes open and my faith grew like crazy since that day.
It was just me, and the Bible, and the Holy Spirit, and watching a lot of Christian TV shows, and at the end of that weekend I was struck with a fever that lasted a whole day and I thought it was going to kill me because I felt so sick and desperate and weak.
God, You work in such weird ways.