-that the Lord would give me the strength, boldness, courage and faith I need to approach people and ask them to prayerfully and financially support my mission trip to Seattle.
-that I would be able to manage my time well.
I have seen that lately the Lord is humbling me, really humbling me, and I believe it is so that I may receive His blessings better. I also believe it is so that I may get more of Him. I have seen that I am slowly healing from my inability to receive grace, and I think I am also healing from the emotional scars that had me occasionally accepting the lie that God hates me. I understand that He doesn’t want me to feel hated by Him, He doesn’t want my possessions to own me, but the other way around. He blesses so that I may be a blessing. He desires for those who are righteous to steward well the things they have been given.
…it feels weird to receive, because I had assumed for so long that God is distant, angry, hating, withholding, tolerates me kind of. Becoming Christian, I learned God is love, but apparently I’m still recovering from my soul feeling so dried up and tortured and gripped by fear, stress, condemnation… Fear.
Father, thank You for bringing me to life and bringing color into my life. And lifting my face and looking me in the eyes and smiling at me.
And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing.
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
This past weekend, He spoke so much identity over me, He showed me mercy and grace, and He gave me boldness to love others. He told me to trust Him. He gave me freedom to be me and stop living defeated and fearful and paranoid. He wants me to stand.
I’m happy that He isn’t using depression to show me how weak I am, but sickness, fatigue, and just enormous amounts of things to do. I feel swamped with tasks, obligations… So many things. I feel like crying just thinking about all of the things that I need to get done, but for the most part, I am incredibly happy and feel Jesus so close to me. And the Holy Spirit this past weekend just gave me such a huge hug and kiss and comfort and love.
I’m on cloud 9.
I never want to be a missionary that feels entitled, or like, that whole “conquering” mindset that some missionaries had when going to evangelize to Indians and stuff. Love is patient and love is kind.
That stuff is scary bad and evil, and I know Christ doesn’t like that.
My thoughts were all over the place LOL
I stand amazed in the presence of Jesus the Nazarene… How marvelous, how wonderful is my Savior’s love for me.