Man, why and what did God do to me this past weekend? Other than Wednesday night, which was a total fluke, I’ve been so cheerful and un-fearful and just so confident in His love for me that I’ve done so many things this past week that normal me wouldn’t have. And when I’ve spoken in class now, I haven’t gotten all red and timid and embarrassed for no reason anymore– I may be exaggerating, but it’s like some freaking rain cloud lifted off of me.

I feel so incredible. And I don’t even know what happened to me exactly. But I feel much bolder, much more held by Love, more un-fearful.

WOW Jesus :O

Man, if this feeling remains, I’d totally have the guts and strength to lead morning devos at Fusion, or maybe even be one of the “elders”. I don’t feel so incredibly fearful and embarrassed.

Also… tonight was super fun and wonderful. I’m suddenly torn between my church and Epic. I suddenly want both, 100%. Why do I love and enjoy so many people? I don’t have all the time I want to be around friends that aren’t believers, and to see my lovely Antioch-ers that encourage me so, and to hang around my derpy but fun Epic-ers. And then of course the random friends that I just love.

Why must you be so deceitful, heart?

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? (Jeremiah 17:9)

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