…you realize that everything will be okay. God is God.

“Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” (Psalm 46:10)

I used to have this horrible fear that at the end of it all, it turns out that I was never wanted by Him, always hated by Him, that He actually didn’t exist, and that there was no afterlife, but chaos and nothingness.

I didn’t even know how to deal with this fear, some days I’d just lie in bed wanting to scream or cry or throw my pillow, because I was desperate for answers.

I needed to know, and absolutely know that I knew.

I’m not going to deny it, I can’t not admit that some days I still struggle with extremely deep fear and really bad anxiety.

There are days when I just want to scream and cry for a few hours because I’m scared for no reason.

But those days don’t happen as often. It’s much more likely nowadays for me to be sincerely laughing and happy because I know that I’m known.

God, I’m known.

Psalm 139:1-3, 7, 17-18
O Lord, you have searched me and known me! 
You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. 
You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways.

Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!  

If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.

P.S. Today I had a smore frappe at MugWalls. I think next time I’ll go for the Snickers one though.

image

(A Bible and note I found on March 3. :))

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