“Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows my name. When he calls to me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.” (Psalm 91:14-16)
The song above is one I sing when my emotions are just out of hand. Some days, like today, I’m just struggling with anger, depression, guilt, worry, fear, frustration.
It feels like the whole world is just waiting for me to mess up sometimes, like because of me, the world stops spinning and is just staring at me because I messed up too much.
I’m not even sure what’s wrong with me sometimes. But of course, this is only temporary, tomorrow I’ll probably be so happy at some point because of Jesus’s love, I can barely stand it.
So the title…
I called Antonio’s Pizza, because I was wondering if maybe they could stay open a few minutes until my roommate and I could walk over there and if they could save a few slices for us.
But I guess I was feeling confused and not sure what to say and changed my mind and didn’t know if I even wanted to walk over there because while I was making the call my roommate said maybe we could order takeout from somewhere, so I just stammered and was struggling with this new information that was suddenly given to me and I tearless-cried a little and told him I’m sorry, I’m tired, I don’t know what I’m saying.
And he was so nice and laughed and was understanding, and I was just like MAN.
Grace does funny things to us.
It does things like lift the spirits of this girl who just woke up from a too long nap, and woke up angry and frustrated and confused and just kind of slow.
Sigh, God I’m not sure how You can find me endearing and wonderful when I’m being stubborn and weird and angry and impatient and confused and whiny.