I was on YouTube, and I decided to search for videos about abortions, because why not.

I was in the middle of watching one, and the baby was delivered and near his or her mommy, and I was like OH it’s so cute, but then I remembered, Wait a minute…

GASP.

What am I watching?!

The doctor isn’t going to start cuddling him or her!!!

I covered the screen with my hand, because, and I really don’t understand why I’m so slow sometimes, but it dawned on me really late that the baby was going to be killed, and I just could not watch that happen.

And thankfully, I didn’t see it happen.

This wasn’t a movie, or actors, or a fake baby, but this was a video of an actual doctor killing a defenseless creature that bears the image of God.

I wish there weren’t so many needs all over the world, I’m just one person, and I have my own needs.

I hate abortion, I’m pro-life, but I don’t exactly have the time and desire to be involved with pro-life organizations.

There’s so many countries to go to, to tell people about Christ, and there are so many orphans, and so much Scripture to read and figure out, and so much tennis to play, and of course the girls in my ministry to bond with and pour into, and plus I’d like to get married one day.

Sigh.

God, am I really doing what all You expect and want me to do?

To whom much is given, much is required…

I get disgusted sometimes with how nice my life can be, how relaxing and joyful it is… I don’t feel this way always, but every now and then I do feel this way.

Father, You are too good to me, and I do not deserve it.

And I get frustrated, amazed, exasperated, annoyed with His beauty, kindness, mercy, and grace.

He is much too overwhelming.

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