A friend invited me and another friend to come eat dinner at his apartment and answer some of his roommate’s questions about Christianity.

I got pretty happy because I do enjoy those kinds of conversations …and it’s really nice to finally have faith and believe in my God, that He’s actually real and I actually do trust Him. Maybe not perfectly, but I do trust Him.

I feel like I absolutely went through hell to get to where I’m at right now, to have real faith and confidence in what I believe in, and I basically quite literally had to wrestle with several forces from hell that were trying to keep me blind and confused about the truth.

Therefore, I am absolutely happy to be used by Him to bring people into the Kingdom. I’m grateful for what I had to fight for.

Maybe I’m still trying to earn my salvation through good works though. I can’t get over how useless I feel some days, wondering if I am truly saved, because I feel like I just can’t do enough good things to cancel out the bad that I do. And I kind of jump at opportunities to do good stuff so I can feel saved.

Thing is though, all my righteous deeds are like filthy rags. (Isaiah 64:6)

There are just too many scary verses in the Bible that talk about backsliding and being lukewarm, that are unnerving.

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