Psalm 51:1-3
Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.

I’m grateful for, yet unhappy with, the fact that the Lord has revealed to me how absolutely perfect and holy and lovely He is, and I’m sadly very much aware of how depraved I am, and how wicked my thoughts and desires can be.

I hate that the devil knows me so well, and is so good at making me walk around with my eyes on my sin and not on my God.

I pray verses like the ones above hesitantly, because what if God answers my prayer in a weird and annoying way? Like, God, please answer my prayer in a convenient way, thank you very much.

But the previous statement just reeks of so much pride and indignation, it sounds so sinful, and yet it’s my attitude when I pray for myself. 

I’m similar to how Martin Luther was when he was a monk, where he would freak out about unconfessed sin, and maybe I’m not quite as hardcore as he was, but I’m still pretty out there, because I do just curl up and cry sometimes because I feel so depraved and unholy and unworthy sometimes and just wishing I could feel cleaner.

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions.

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