This week I finally realized that my struggle with lust isn’t as small as I thought it was.

Only the men struggle with that Bernice. You don’t have to worry about it… You’re good.

That was what I used to tell myself.

But oh, the Bible has something entirely different to say.

Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall. (1 Corinthians 10:12)

…the ways I’ve fallen are most definitely not as small as I thought. And I have no idea what exactly it is that led to me being like this… I’m shaking my head in disbelief, because it’s finally dawned on me just how mistaken I was. I believed my mistakes were smaller than they really were.

How did I not figure this out sooner?

Why didn’t I open up about this sooner with somebody? Instead of just putting a smile on my face and pretending I’ve never done anything and then telling myself that I’m fine and I won’t mess up again…

And to think that my baptism was only about a year ago.

This kind of stuff happens to other people. Not me. Sure I’m a sinner, but not this kind of sinner.

And then of course, there’s the other crazy bad sins I’ve done these past few months.

It seems like hell was unleashed on me when I got baptized.

God, why is my soul like this? How did I get to this?

Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. (Psalm 51:12)


One thought on “Heal me

  1. Bernice,

    I believe that it is Paul who said “why do I do that which I don’t want to do” It was also Paul who states in 1 Corinthians 10:12-13 (new living translation)

    12 If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall. 13 The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.

    But in love to you my sister in Christ what I believe to be the root of this is called Pride. In love I tell you this because it is something that God is quickly showing me is at the root of most of our sin issues no matter who we are. If you like do a word study on pride and see how many times it is in the scriptures.

    I pray that you will accept this and ask God to change your heart. At the end of the day everything is about our heart. God will be forgiving and loving and accepting because He calls you daughter, most loved and treasured. So allow God to do a healing in you that will set you free.

    Blessings to you…

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