I hate that it feels like absolutely everything this side of heaven, everything results in the way you feel when trying to hold sand in your hands– the sand just slips through your fingers, and no matter how hard you try, some sand will fall out.

I can’t love God perfectly because I am a sinner that loves to do things that He doesn’t love, and that affects my relationship with Him. I’m tempted to do things that He does not like, I don’t always give in, and there are times that I don’t give in and I feel upset that I can’t do those things.

I feel sorrow that I love some things that my Father doesn’t like, and I feel angry that I can’t do some things because God says no.

I am of the flesh, sold under sin. For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.

For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.

For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members.

(Romans 7:14-15, 19, 22-23)

And then, my whole life I’ve dreamed of finding my significant other, but lately I’ve been scared of relationships because divorce happens. And there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. They all go through rough patches.

And flowers die when you cut them.

This side of heaven is so imperfect, I can’t stand it sometimes.


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